Life is rough right now. No matter where you are in the world. No matter what stage of life you are in or what situation you are facing – life is rough. Life has a way of being relentless, just going ahead without so much as a glance over its shoulder to see if we are keeping up. If it would just look back it would see us reeling, disheveled, messy bun on our heads, self-help books under the arm, cold coffee in our travel mugs, big emotions all over the place, just trying to keep up.
Feeling BIG Emotions
This last year life has really shaken us awake and I don’t know about you, but my emotions are battling to keep up. Why though? Because emotions are big, emotions are scary and most of us are taught from a very early age by well-meaning adults to hide our emotions and feelings. “Fix your face before you come talk to me” turns into you appearing calm for all the world to see but inside your body, mind and emotions are in such turmoil and we have no idea what to do with all the BIG feelings. So, what do we do? We snap, we lash out, we feel deep sadness inside that we can’t really explain, we have anxiety, we battle to relate because deep within ourselves we haven’t given ourselves the permission to have those same emotions. What we become are chronic repressors of our emotions.
Recognizing Resistance
I’ll be the first to say – that describes me to a T, and I am learning to navigate these emotions and recognizing all my BIG feelings. It’s only taken me 28 years to realize that I am a person who has big feelings and that it is ok if I have my big feelings. It’s a journey that goes through the ups and downs of any life adventure, some days are really good and others… well… we navigate them anyway.
Like this weekend, I was feeling all out of sorts, depressed, sad, anxious, angry at my kids and husband for no apparent reason and all the while in a state of RESISTANCE. Which sounds something like this in my head: “I shouldn’t be feeling this way, I should know better, they don’t deserve this, why am I having these feelings, I DO NOT want to feel this way. I DO NOT want to have these feelings, why am I having them NOW anyway?
All those thoughts did nothing to help the situation until I recognized the resistance in it all. I was having unpleasant feelings and emotions and I was resisting them all.
Emotions as Communicators to Something Deeper
As soon as I recognized the resistance, I could soften to all the feelings and emotions and that’s when I realized all these feelings and emotions were trying to tell me something! They were trying to communicate to me that I was way out of alignment and that I needed to slow down, feel, listen and heal these emotions so that I could feel better going forward. I needed to recognize the things I needed to pay more attention to and the things I needed to let go off that had accumulated over an entire week of playing ‘squash-those-feelings-down-and-get-on-with-life’.
Our emotions and feelings are always trying to grab our attention and each of them has a message for us. That anger and frustration I was feeling with my family? It wasn’t their fault, I had unmet needs that were building frustration within me and once I could acknowledge that I could do what I needed to feel better and stop blaming those around me for my bad feelings. We can’t expect others to change so that we can feel better, but we can always delve a bit deeper and find the root of the emotion and then feel it, release it, and nurture ourselves in kind and loving ways. The trick though? Listen!
Taking Steps in the Right Direction
Below are some steps to discover what your Emotions are trying to communicate to you. Take the time to listen, don’t try to rush the process, get out of your head and into your heart and just let it unfold.
1) Release Resistance
Resistance is when you push against the current circumstances it is that little voice inside your head that says you shouldn’t feel this way. What we resist persists. The more up in arms you get with yourself the bigger the inner war. So, soften. Put your hand over your heart, take a few breaths. Acknowledge that you are having big emotions, big feelings, welcome them in by letting down those barriers and softening to how you feel in the moment.
2) Become Aware
Voice your feelings. Name them. Greet them. Hello sadness my old friend. No judgments. All feelings are valid and allowed even if you do not understand why they are there at that moment. Years of repressing make feelings so much stronger so even if a feeling feels bigger than it should be for the situation at hand, embrace it.
3) Dig Deeper
Doing step 1&2 will already shift your energy and you’re guaranteed to feel the shift. Taking this extra step further helps you reach the root of those BIG emotions that came up. *HINT sometimes it has nothing to do with why you were angry/upset/hurt/sad in the first place. In this step we ask questions with an open mind to go deeper.
One of my favourite questions is one I learnt from Dr. Kim De’ramo’s book Mindbody Toolkit and it’s simply asking: “What is right about this that I’m not getting?” The question so beautifully puts everything in the right and opens the doors for higher wisdom to come through.
Another question you could ask is: “What is *insert big emotion here* trying to communicate to me?” Journaling is a great way to get out of your head and allow your thoughts to flow out on the paper. Write these questions on a top of a page and get writing or ponder them while you take a relaxing bath or shower – you’ll be surprised by the answers that come up.
4) Nurture yourself
The things that your questions brought to the surface need to be addressed. Maybe you’ve realized that you’ve been super cranky because of some late nights or maybe it’s something deeper like that thing your spouse/co-worker said really hurt you. Now is the time to address this and nurture yourself and give yourself what you need in the situation.
Maybe it’s time to get an early night, maybe you need to have a chat with your spouse or choose to forgive them. If you’ve realized it’s something that you can’t do anything about like a long commute or a work situation that is causing anxiety or bringing up feelings of anger, then what creative ways can you bring to the situation to help you feel supported and calm. Listening to audio books or podcasts in the car? Popping out for your lunch break? Playing your favourite tunes? This is the step where you nurture yourself and allow yourself to have what you need and get back into an alignment with yourself and with joy because darling, the world needs your joy.
Pop a comment below if you’ve uncovered something that your emotions have been trying to communicate to you and go read this article for more insights on Emotional Wellbeing.